Too Personal

Tatted Doily in Progress, a photo by Garyou on Flickr.

End of January, my father has passed away.
One night he went to sleep and never woke up again.

He had been suffering from lung cancer for more than three years. He was in hospital when he died. He got anticancer therapy there and was about to come home in a couple of days.
He didn't.

Nobody knows why he died and how he died. A nurse found him dead while she made her night round.
When I got to the hospital, he had his mouth wide open as if to snore. He didn't look suffered at all. That was the only relief.
Maybe the last person who talked with him was one of the nurses. Why not me?

As I looked through his belongings, I found the reciept of a hospital canteen. Father went shopping there the last day. There were about twelve items on it. He bought his favourite sweets and some drink.
He kept what he ate in the notebook I gave him to prevent dimentia. He wrote down what he ate for supper the last day.

Surely, he never thought he would be dead that night.

I've been told he didn't have that much time left from his doctor for he was getting weak and couldn't stand anticancer therapy soon.
I didn't believe it.
If he ate more and worked out a bit, he still could get therapy.
So I've been really hard on him. I tried to make him eat more.
As I recall, all I asked him were "did you eat something?" and "did you take your medicine?" after I came home from work.
There should have been more important thing to talk.
I should have been kind to him. Why wasn't I?
Stupid me.

Still, I'm alive and well.

I'm trying to tat a doily now. This is the pattern of the doily I first tatted.

My first tatted doily was so awkward of course, but my mother said, "well done," and let me put that on our dining table. She did crochet very well and always told me how clumsy I was. It was a rare occurence.
It is still on the table.

I wanted to tat it with the same thread, Olympus #40, but I don't have the same colour. So, I just picked up what I have in my stash.

I'm going to add more motifs.


Via Flickr:
Desgined by FUJITO Teiko
Thread: Lisbeth #40 Spring Garden